I Think You Died Then, I Think I Killed You
by 8BonnieBlue8
Summary: A drabble about two moments in Sirius’s and Bellatrix’s lives when they both come to the same conclusion.


_Disclaimer: All characters are the property of the wonderful J.K. Rowling._

_Summary: A drabble about two moments in Sirius's and Bellatrix's lives when they both come to the same conclusion._

_Warning: reference to rape and abuse_

I remember it so well, that day; when it all changed. You were smiling prettily like always, older cousin, do you remember? Do you remember how you smiled?

We were so naïve; weren't we, Bella? Back then. I'm sure you remember. But do you remember who was the most naïve? I don't think you do. I'm not even sure I do. But I think it was you.

I got angry with you over something, I really can't remember what it is now, and you ran off in a broken tantrum. I didn't think to stop your retreating back as you ran out the gates of your house. I didn't think; I wish I had.

You didn't come back for ages and when you did I thought you were someone else. No way could you be my pretty little Bella with corkscrew curls and rosy cheeks. No way could you be the smiling girl who'd kissed me on the cheek that morning and swung me around in wild dance, laughing all the while.

You weren't laughing now. You weren't smiling either. Your pretty curls hung like rags down your back, caked with dirt and blood. Everywhere I looked there was blood; you were covered in it. And you were crying. Big fat tears that ran down your cheeks in crimson threads. I'd never seen you cry. And god did you cry. I'd never seen anyone cry so hard; I still haven't.

Your parents came out and I thought they'd be able to stop you, stop the tears; because I certainly couldn't.

I wasn't prepared for what happened next.

Your father turned his head away in disgust and walked right back on into the house. Your mother however wasn't about to be turned away so easily. She slapped you then; so hard that I think she made you bleed –I think that was when I started to cry – and she yelled at you, scolded you for shaming yourself in such a manner, giving yourself away to such horrible things as muggles. They knew you see, they knew what had happened – a hell of a lot more than I did – they were both accomplished legidimins and they knew.

I think I watched you die then.

When your mother strutted off, leaving you broken and bleeding on the ground; Yes, I think you died then.

Even worse, I think I killed you.

…

I didn't mean to do it. Honest, I swear. The red light wasn't supposed to take your life away, no, never take your life away. But it did, all thanks to that stupid veil.

Why did you have to goad me so, dear cousin, when you know I so hate to be goaded. Why did you taunt me and beg for me to try harder. You had to have known I would.

Why, Sirius, _Why_?

I didn't want you to die, though I suppose that really doesn't matter in the scheme of things, does it? You were my cousin; do you think I really wanted you to die? Honestly, I probably did for a moment, didn't I? But only a moment, I swear.

They ruin everything they do. I don't even know who 'they' are. Maybe they're everyone. Yes, everyone seems to have a thing for ruining everything. Don't you just wish they would leave well enough alone? Then again, nothing really was 'well enough' was it? Still, they could've left it alone. Now it's all bad, bad, bad, very, very bad and I think I might cry again, cry, cry, cry until my eyes are dry. You remember what I look like when I cry, don't you, dear cousin? You must, for you were there the last time I did. I cried crimson tears back then, do you remember? And you held me tight and wiped the red away. You told me it would all be alright then, all sun shine and lollipops and we'd grow up in a big castle with knights in shining armour and I'd be your princess you my prince.

Oh, what a little liar you are, dear Sirius.

Don't worry, don't fret, everybody lies sometimes.

But back to that nasty, troublesome little veil. It's all its fault I know it is.

You know, when you fell through, I thought you would come back. But you didn't and that brat, Potter, was screaming all kinds of things; I think it was only one word though; one word that drove home what it all meant.

_I think you died then._

I grinned and danced and laughed in my victory because everyone knows I'm insane and I am you know? But you were the only who would have understood that I wasn't laughing out of triumph.

I think I killed you, dear cousin. What a funny ending that is. What a funny ending to us. I think I was the only one who saw the humour though.

_I think I killed you._


End file.
